Features
Expert Criticizes Lack of Discipline
in Business Card Collecting
by Throckmoore T. Uppity IV
(reprinted from Paper & Advertising Collector, Sept. 1986)
I am simply appalled at the complete lack of discipline in the field of business card collecting. There seems to be absolutely no attempt at cataloging, classifying or grading - even in the simplest form!
Stamps have been cataloged for many, many years as well as postcards and even, (Heaven help us), matchcovers. But, no, not business cards. I am so upset I could have a hissy!
Well, it’s about time someone stepped in and handled this problem. And, you people are fortunate to have me here to step in it.
First of all, we should touch briefly on display. The situation is just ghastly, I must say. Some of you appear to be just dumping cards into tacky cardboard boxes. We just can’t have this at all.
Others are using everything from vulgar three-ring binders to those horrid K-Mart photo albums...I just feel faint at the thought!
It even gets worse! Wait till I tell you about the disastrous ways in which some people are mounting their cards. Glue and tape! That’s right...glue and tape. They just smear it on and plop the poor card in the album. SPLAT! hold me, I’m shivering.
I just can’t talk about it any more. We’ll come back to display later. Now, let’s dash on to the Throckmoore T. Uppity IV Business Card Grading System (TM).
You must understand from the outset that this is just a very basic system. We shall start with only 60 different grade levels and add additional levels as needed.
The subdivisions are 1 through 10 with grades A through F in each subdivision. As I said, a very basic system to start with.
Here is an example: A 10D card would be one that had been on the bottom of a public drainage ditch in New Jersey for at least six months.
On the other hand, a 1B card would be one that was taken off the press immediately after printing (by a cotton-gloved technician) and placed directly in a hermetically sealed container.
If I don’t say so myself, I think I have devised the most wonderful system anyone could possible want for handling business cards. Although I do admit it is somewhat simple, it has to be so that just anyone can understand it.
I know I promised to delve further into display, but that discussion will just have to wait for later because I am so exhausted for all of this.
Throckmoore T. Uppity IV lives in Washington, DC, where he designs forms for the Internal Revenue Service. He is a long-time collector of what he describes as “only the better items that most people can’t afford.” He is the son of Throckmoore T. Uppity III, author of The United States Government Handbook of Terminology and Big Words.
He is also a figment of the fertile imagination of Jack Gurner, publisher of Business Card Journal. Mr. Gurner based Throckmoor’s character on “a number of people found polluting the various collecting hobbies,” and has given his permission for the reprinting of this article.
| 